Photo by Design Studio’s via Canva
Starting daycare is a big milestone — one that many parents secretly wish they could delay just a little longer. One day you’re at home with your baby, wrapped in your own little world, and suddenly you’re dropping them off in a strange place while you rush back to work. Many of my friends told me they cried in the car afterward. At the time, I didn’t fully understand it. Now I do.
We couldn’t avoid this moment for many reasons, and honestly, sometimes the parents are sadder than the kids. It feels like the bond you’ve built since birth is being stretched in a new direction. I wished for some miracle that would let me stay home longer, but life doesn’t always work that way. So here we are.
Different Countries, Different Realities
In Hungary, where I’m from, mothers can stay home until the child is two or even three years old. Daycare is free, and kids usually need to be potty trained before they start. When I moved to New Zealand, I was surprised to see how early many babies go to daycare — sometimes just a few months old. Of course, every family has different financial situations, and every country has its own system, so I don’t want to judge. But the contrast was still shocking.
Here, most daycares are private, and the cost varies a lot depending on the area. Richer suburbs can charge $100–150 more per week. We live in a developing part of a main city, so our fees aren’t the highest, but with a mortgage and salaries that don’t really grow, it’s still a significant amount.
Choosing a Daycare
Choosing a daycare is hard. You want the best for your child, but cost always influences the decision. Some centres have amazing activities — painting, water play, sand pits, disco days — and honestly, sometimes I feel a bit jealous and want to join my son.
Eventually, we chose a multicultural daycare with many Indian teachers (my husband is Indian). I loved that they celebrate different cultural events like Matariki, Diwali, and Chinese New Year. They also provide nappies and food, which was a big plus for me. Some daycares charge the same but don’t include these basics.
There were even Telugu-speaking teachers, so they could talk to him in my husband’s native language. That felt special.
I still remember our first visit. My husband didn’t even want to go — this was the last daycare on our list, and we were already torn between two others. The carpark didn’t help: behind a pizzeria, next to a mechanic, hard to find a spot, and then stairs going down. It didn’t look promising. But once we walked in, everything changed. The place was bright, full of children’s artwork, photos of trips, and a warm atmosphere. The manager’s personality also made a huge difference. Sometimes it really is about how someone makes you feel.
The First Drop-Off
Even though we had a few weeks of transitioning, the first real drop-off felt unreal. Leaving him there for a few hours felt like leaving a part of my body behind. Something was missing the whole time.
On the official first day, I had to go straight to work. Suddenly I was on a schedule again — drop him at 9, drive to the office — and I felt stressed because I hadn’t lived like that for a long time.
I remember sitting in the car, the radio playing too loudly. I reached back automatically to turn it down so it wouldn’t bother him… and then realised he wasn’t there. That moment hit me. Even changing from sweatpants into office clothes felt strange. Work distracted me a bit, but by the time I had to pick him up, I missed him so much. That feeling hasn’t changed.
How He Settled In
He’s not the easiest kid when it comes to settling. He often cries when I drop him off, and that breaks my heart every single time. But once he’s there, he plays a lot. He loves being outside, especially water play and sand. He also loves music and instruments — the teachers often comfort him with songs, and we do the same at home.
Picking Him Up
In the beginning, he used to cry the moment he saw me, almost like he was saying, “How could you leave me here?” It was heartbreaking.
These days, he speed-crawls toward me with the biggest smile, and it’s honestly adorable. Once he’s in my arms, he looks around proudly, like he’s showing everyone, “My mum is here!”
It’s sweet to see the other kids saying bye to him. He can’t talk yet, but he’s clearly socialising, which he didn’t get much of when he was home with me.
At home, he often turns into a clingy little koala. He wants to be held or be on me constantly. It’s cute — probably because he missed me — but I won’t lie, it can be tiring too.
Why I’m Writing This
I think many parents struggle with letting their little ones go to daycare, but we don’t talk about it enough. I want to reassure others that things do get easier — and maybe I’m trying to reassure myself too.
A Small Comfort: Daycare Apps
One thing I really appreciate is the daycare app. It’s comforting to see photos of him throughout the day and get little updates about what they were doing. It makes the separation a bit easier.
A Few Tips From a Parent Who Has Absolutely No Idea What She’s Doing (But Is Trying Her Best)
1. Leave as fast as humanly possible Hand over your kid, say bye, and walk out like you’re in a heist movie. The longer you stay, the more dramatic the tears become. One time my son burst into tears as I was leaving — heartbreaking, obviously. I walked out, realised I forgot something in his bag, went back in five seconds later… and he was happily playing like nothing ever happened. I’m convinced those tears are biologically engineered to make parents feel terrible.
2. Don’t look back Not because it’s poetic — because if you do, you’ll both start crying again. Just trust the teachers. They’ve seen every version of your child’s meltdown.
3. Have a “drop-off ritual” A quick hug, a kiss, a “have fun,” and then escape. Consistency helps. (For the child. And for your sanity.)
4. Plan a tiny treat for yourself afterward Coffee, a pastry, two minutes of silence in the car — anything. You survived another drop-off. That deserves a reward.
5. Remember: the crying usually stops before you reach the car And sometimes before you even reach the door. Kids are dramatic little actors. They recover fast. We… take a bit longer.
Final Thoughts
Daycare is emotional, chaotic, expensive, and occasionally hilarious. Your kid might cry, you might cry, and the teachers will pretend not to notice either of you. But slowly — very slowly — it gets easier. Your child learns, plays, socialises, and speed-crawls toward you at pickup like you’re the best thing in the universe. And you learn that you’re not abandoning them… you’re just giving them a little world of their own.
We’re all figuring this out one drop-off at a time. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. If you’re crying in the car, you’re definitely not alone. And if your kid stops crying the second you leave? Welcome to the club.
If you’re interested in how different countries support parents in these early years, you might also like my post: Parental Leave Around the World: A Multicultural Reality Check.
Photo by Taryn Elliott via Canva
