My partner and I come from very different backgrounds — I’m Hungarian, he’s Indian — and we’re raising our child in New Zealand while our families live in the US and Europe. Because of this, we’re constantly surrounded by different opinions about how long parents “should” stay home with their babies. It’s fascinating, confusing, and sometimes a bit overwhelming. So let’s dive into it.
How Different Countries Treat Parental Leave
Let’s start with the more “Anglo” approach to having kids — which honestly feels like doing the absolute bare minimum. I’m sure there are countries out there where you get literally nothing, but a lot of English‑speaking countries sit pretty low on the parental‑leave spectrum. And the U.S. is… well, the U.S.
Our in‑laws live in the Bay Area, right in Silicon Valley, and my sister‑in‑law had to go back to work after 12 weeks. And that’s normally unpaid. That’s the federal standard — 12 weeks of unpaid leave, and that’s only if you even qualify. Plenty of people don’t.
Twelve weeks might be enough time for your body to start recovering from giving birth, but it’s definitely not enough to bond with your baby. The whole system feels like it’s built around work first, family second. It’s basically: “Okay, you had a baby, great, now when are you coming back?”
It’s such a capitalist way of looking at parenthood. Almost no support, childcare that costs a fortune, and parents expected to just “figure it out” while running on no sleep, healing from birth, and working at the same time.
Growing Up in Hungary: Long Leave, Hidden Costs
I grew up in Hungary, a former socialist country where long maternity leave was completely normal. Most mums stayed home for two or even three years, and honestly, I never questioned it. That was just the system. You have a baby, you stay home for years, and life goes on.
And to be fair, you do get paid during those years. The amount slowly decreases over time, but compared to a lot of countries, it’s still pretty generous. You can actually afford to stay home without completely destroying your finances, which is a luxury many parents around the world don’t have.
But there’s a flip side — and it’s a big one. Employers often hesitate to hire women in their mid‑20s to early 30s because they assume you’ll disappear for years on maternity leave. And when you eventually come back, you’re usually the one expected to take sick days when the kid is unwell. So while the long leave is amazing for bonding, it can make women really vulnerable in the workforce.
I still remember when I started working as an intern: a woman came back from maternity leave after ten years — she had three kids back‑to‑back — and she didn’t know how to use Excel or Word anymore. Ten years is a long time to be away from any job, and the world moves on without you. That’s the part people don’t talk about when they romanticize long maternity leave.
New Zealand: A Very Different System
Then I moved to New Zealand and discovered a completely different approach. The government pays only a portion of your salary for 26 weeks. After that, nothing. Many parents return to work early simply because they can’t afford not to.
I was lucky — I worked for a large company that had just introduced new parental policies. They topped up my salary for the first six months, and we stretched that money to cover a full year so I could stay home longer. Even better, when I returned, I worked four days a week while still receiving 100% of my salary for six months. That kind of support is rare, and honestly, that definitely made me want to stay at my workplace longer than I planned it efore.
Scandinavian Countries: Shared Leave Done Right
I’ve always admired Sweden and Norway for their shared parental leave systems. Fathers have to take a portion of the leave, which means they experience what it’s actually like to stay home with a baby. Many dads imagine maternity leave as some kind of holiday — sunshine, cuddles, and naps. Meanwhile, mothers are expected to cook, clean, and raise a child simultaneously.
Shared leave forces a reality check. It builds empathy. And it creates a more equal partnership at home. In my NZ workplace, fathers could take the same leave as mothers, and some actually did. I’m absolutely in favour of that.
The Opinions You Can’t Escape
When I went back to work after about 11 months, I got two very different reactions:
- From the US side: “Why did you stay home so long? You need to be financially responsible.”
- From the Hungarian side: “Why did you go back so early? You should have stayed home for five years like I did.”
Five years! I’m happy for anyone who can do that, but most people have mortgages, bills, and careers they want to maintain. And most mothers don’t go back early because they want to — they go back because they have to.
What an Ideal Parental Leave System Might Look Like
If I had to imagine an ideal parental‑leave system, it wouldn’t be about choosing between long leave or career stability — it would be about balance. A system where both parents can take meaningful time off without sacrificing financial security or professional growth. One where leave is flexible, shared, and protected. One where employers don’t see parenthood as a liability but as a normal part of life.
In the perfect world, parental leave would support bonding, recovery, and mental well‑being — without forcing families to choose between their baby and their livelihood. It would be long enough to matter, flexible enough to adapt to different family structures, and fair enough that both parents participate.
How Multicultural Families Navigate Conflicting Expectations
Being part of a multicultural family means you’re constantly juggling different cultural expectations — and they don’t always align. One side might believe parents should return to work early to stay financially strong. The other might believe staying home for years is the only “proper” way to raise a child. And then you’re standing in the middle, trying to make a decision that fits your life, not someone else’s tradition.
Multicultural families often end up creating their own hybrid approach — taking what feels supportive from each culture and letting go of the guilt from the rest. It’s a balancing act, but it also gives you a wider lens. You see that there’s no single “right” way to do parenthood. Just the way that works for your family, in your circumstances, in your season of life.
A Call‑to‑Action for Readers
I’d love to hear how parental leave works where you live. How long do parents typically stay home? Is it supported, judged, expected, or discouraged? And what do you wish your country did differently?
Sharing our experiences helps us understand how deeply culture shapes parenthood — and reminds us that there’s no universal timeline for raising a child.
The truth is simple: You will never satisfy everyone, and you don’t need to. And you definitely don’t need to feel guilty for going back to work when the time is right for your family.
Photo by SDI Productions via Canva
