Photo by Tiero via Canva
The Daily Tug-of-War
Sometimes, as a woman — and especially as a mother — it feels nearly impossible to carve out time just for me. My husband often suggests I go to the gym around 5 or 6 p.m., but that’s the only window I get to be with my baby after a long day of work (and a long day of daycare for him). That’s our time. And yet, when I skip the gym, I feel guilty. When I think about going, I feel guilty. It’s like there’s no winning.
The Double Standard
A friend of mine recently shared something that stuck with me. She works 30–32 hours a week and still has a full-time nanny — not because she’s lounging around, but because she has no other help. She told me, “I used to ask my partner if I could take time for myself. Now? I just take it.” That hit me. Why do we feel like we have to ask for time? And even when we do, it’s a gamble — we might get it, or we might not.
Why is it that when dads want to do something, they just do it? My husband doesn’t hesitate to head out for a workout. He doesn’t carry the same guilt. Meanwhile, I feel anxious even mentioning that I want to go shopping alone. And when I finally hit a breaking point after weeks (or months) without a moment to myself, he’ll say, “Well, that’s mom life.” But what about dad life? Why does mine feel like a prison sentence while his still has room to breathe? (Okay, I’m exaggerating — he’s not out partying every night — but he gets his workouts in, and he doesn’t feel bad about it.)
The Radical Day Off
The other night, my baby slept like an angel (a rare miracle), but I couldn’t sleep. The silence of the house felt heavy, and my mind wouldn’t stop racing. The next morning, I could barely drag myself out of bed. I wasn’t rising, and I definitely wasn’t shining.
So I did something radical: I took a day off. I dropped my baby at daycare — and for the first time, he didn’t cry. That alone felt like a win. But as he looked back at me, I swear I saw a flicker of betrayal in his eyes. Still, I kept walking. The crisp morning air hit my face, and for once, I wasn’t rushing anywhere. I was grabbing what might be my only chance for a long time to just be.
And you know what? I needed it.
The Takeaway
If we’re running on an empty battery and burning out, it doesn’t serve anyone. Maybe the first step is admitting we deserve time without guilt. That “me time” isn’t selfish — it’s survival.
So now I’m wondering: do you ever feel this way? Do you crave time alone, or have you found a way to live without it? Share your story in the comments — I’d love to hear how other moms (and dads!) navigate this. Because if we don’t start talking about it, how will anything change?
Photo by Garon Piceli via Canva
